Musical Production

So last Saturday I went and auditioned for a musical production called "Through Emma's Eyes" I was so nervous even though the director is a friend and I've been singing in her choir for the past 3 years. I think that it's something about the word audition that gets me nervous! So I had a friend come with me to play the piano. I had to sing 2 songs one was Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and the other one I was able to choose but it had to be a showtime song. So I decided to sing The Phantom of the Opera from The Phantom of the Opera. I only had to sing 16 measures which wasn't bad. I felt like I did good but I could hear the shaking in my voice. Hopefully they didn't! So they told me that I did good and that the cast list would be up Wednesday afternoon. Sunday I got an e-mail that said that they are doing call-backs and to look for an e-mail the next day. Well I never got one so hoped that that was a good sign. Tuesday night i was talking on the phone with a friend and got an e-mail about the cast. She got it up early and so I went to the page to see if I made it and sure enough there was my name! YAY!!!!! Oh my gosh was I so excited! So I'm playing a girl named Margaret Cook. Not sure who she is tho! I'll find out. Our first rehearsal is the 29th and I'll get my script and music! Dang who would of ever thought that I would be in a musical! I hope I do good and don't freak out on stage. At lest I don't have a main part. I'm so ok with that! This is going to be so cool and so much fun!

Trying to Get Through

I've been telling myself and everyone around me that I'm doing good and I know that thing's will work out some how but today has not been on of those days that I believe that. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or tell me that things are going to be ok. I know in the end thing's will be ok but when I feel like everything around me is caving in, I'm not good enough, and I've become a failure it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe part of it is that I'm feeling sorry for myself and I know that I need to get out of that cause it doesn't do me any good. When thing's around you never go right and it's hard to see anything good what do you do?! I know I need to be better at somethings but if this is what i have to deal with I wish that I never came home from my mission. It's become such a hard thing and no one understands what I'm feeling and going through. I don't even know how to explain how I truly feel so what would be the point of trying to talk about it. I guess this is just my way to vent a little and hope that by doing so I''ll feel better and can move on and hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
 I have been dealing with some emotional problems and am feeling like I'm becoming bitter about thing's and towards some people. How do I stop that? Here's the problem, I think it might help to talk to someone but I can't bring myself to talking to someone that could possible help or know how I feel because I don't want to be a bother or burden anyone with my problems. So I've just keep most of it to myself and try to figure it out on my own. I pray and ask for guidance and direction but feel like I'm not getting anything. I don't like not knowing what to do or that nothing seems to be working out in my favor. I still tell myself that everything is going to be ok but I'm having a hard time believing it right now.
 Tomorrow will be another day and I hope that it will be a better one then today!

Back Home too Soon

Out on my mission I was having problems with my knee's. I had gone to see some Dr's for it and ended up having to do some physical therapy. Because I only had insurance through the mission they only pay for 3 visits. The Dr. that I saw she thought that 3 visits would be enough. So I was transfered to the Kirtland Visitor Center so I wasn't waslking and doing stairs all the time so we could get my knee's better. A week ago Wednesday (a week before transfers) I got a phone call from my mission president to see how I was doing. Before he called me I was planning on saying I'm fine and that I'm ready to go out and start working. But when I started talking to him I couldn't tell him that I was good to go. I was still having pain once in awhile in my knee's and was worried about going out and doing all the thing's that is required as a missionary that it would start back up because it wasn't completly healed yet. So after talking about how I'm feeling and their (President Vellinga and his wife) thoughts we decided that it would be best to come home to get this solved. So I'm back home a year before I thought I would be. I'm doing better and feeling better then I thought I would be doing. I don't know what's in store for me but I do know that the Lord has a plan for me and that I was sent home at this time for a reason. A reason I may never really know but I'm ok with that.

27 DAYS!!!!!

I cannot believe that I'm down to counting days! 27 days to go and I'll be going into the MTC!!!!! I am so excited but kind of nervise, only because it's something new that I've never done before and a huge change in my life! I feel like I have so much to do but don't really know what to do! I have to stop putting it off and get with the program! I don't want to be packing and cleaning the whole time my sister and her kids are here! Not only do I have thing's to do but I'm dealing with Satan working on my weaknesses and trying to get me down! Before I got my mission call I was told that the last month is going to be the hardest. Not only cause I'm wanting to leave but because Satan is going to be working harder on me! When I heard that I thought, "Oh I'm not going to let him get me down and nothing "really" hard is going to happen!" Oh my gosh was I ever WRONG!!!!! He has been working on my emotions of feeling bad (really bad) for my mood swings and thing's I say. The hardest thing to work through has been just within the last couple of days! I had a friend, that knows my weaknesses, turn nasty on me and use those weaknesses against me! She knows me so well that it kinda scares me! She knows too much about me that she's using every little thing against me and Satan is playing with those emotions and telling me that it's my fault and I should of known better. I will admit that I have let her walk all over me because I HATE confrontation so I just let thing's go instead of standing my ground! Through this thing I wanted to get back at her for all she's done to me that I allowed her to do! I'm not going to go into details of what happened. After many prayers, tears and not knowing what to do my BFF called me and we were talking about it and she said something that I hope I will always remember when someone does something wrong to me or something wrong happens. She asked me if I ever thought about "what Christ would do if He were in this situation?" When she said that, I knew what I was suppose to do! Even though what happened to me was very wrong and not fair I knew I had to do what Christ would do! I have to turn it over to Heavenly Father, let it go, forgive and learn to love her as Christ would! I have also been trying to figure out what I'm to learn from this, how it can help me grow and become a better person! A few people have told me that Satan is doing all he can to discourage me so I wont be the best missionary I can become! He know what I am capable of doing and he "does not" want me to do it! What I do know is through the help of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ I can get through whatever is thrown in my way and accomplish anything! Satan may throw thing's in my way but he CANNOT keep me from going and becoming what Heavenly Father knows I can become and doing what I need to do because I have strength from Heavenly Father to do it! Once next week is over this will hopefully be over for good and I can focus on what's most important in my life right now!

Work and Babysitting

I decided that April 12th will be my last day of babysitting and April 14th will be my last day at work! I figure that will give me enough time to get the rest of my stuff packed and do last min shopping and getting ready. Plus my sister, niece and nephew are coming April 17th so I get to have time spent with them and not have to go to work or babysitting! I have 7 weeks of babysitting and working left. It's so crazy to think about but I'm so excited cause that means I'm only 2 1/2 weeks left before I go into the MTC!!!! It's funny to think that a year ago I was so set in NOT going on a mission and if you told me that I was going to be getting ready to leave on one I would of thought you were crazy! But here I am getting ready to go on a mission! I am so thankful that Heavenly Father helped me to have a change of heart! I can't wait to go teach the gospel and serve the Lord full time! I need to be better at managing my time better so I can do the thing's that matter most like studying the scriptures and other books I'll be using! I'm so glad I get to share the gospel and be apart of the church growing!

IT CAME, IT CAME!!!!!!!!!

IT CAME!!!!!!!! Thursday Feb. 9th my mission call came! Wednesday on our way home from Utah I was trying not to get excited that it could be there when we got home! But when we got home and it wasn't there I was kinda disappointed! So Thursday all day while I was babysitting I was wanting to call my mom and ask her if it came just cause I couldn't take any more waiting and not knowing! I told my mom not to call me and tell me it came when it did cause I didn't want to be waiting for time to go by so I could go home and open it! But I couldn't do it so about 3:30 I called my mom and asked her and she said, "Are you going to put make-up on?" I freaked out and started to squeal! The kids I was babysitting looked at me like I was so weird, well I kinda was at that point! I was so excited and now I had to wait! So we played for a little and then Lincoln and I started watching funny videos online to pass the time away! Their dad came home and I went home and did my make-up cause you know I can't have pictures taken without make-up on! HA! Well that didn't take long at all and then there was more waiting cause my aunt couldn't get there till about 6:20! I kept walking back and forth being very impatient! Everyone got there and we called my sister's and brother and then I opened it!

This is what I got to look at while I waited! Not that fun! I wanted to open it up right then and there!

 This was while we were waiting for the phone calls to be made!

 I asked if everyone was there and could hear me and Amy (on the phone) was like JUST OPEN IT!!!!!!

 I was so excited to see where I was going.

 Not 10 words into it I started to cry! I felt so overwhelmed with the Spirit and so happy that it's finally here and so real, really happening! I kept telling myself I need to compose myself so I could finish reading and see where I was going! While I was trying to compose myself I looked down a little and saw where I was going before I read it! HA! That helped me get myself together cause excitement took over! YAY!

 I am going to Cleveland Ohio and am speaking English! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! I was so excited all I could do was squeal! Everyone was laughing at me! Oh my gosh it's so real now! I can't wait to leave and serve the Lord! I never thought that I would be going on a mission but here I am with the call in hand and super excited to go and spread the Gospel!

Painting!

This last weekend Mom, Dad and I went down to Utah to go to Carter's baby blessing and little did we know that we'd be helping painting their down stairs to get ready for carpet to be put in. We all helped in some way but my dad and Shawn did most of it! When we started they had me paint on the wall along the ceiling. NOT FUN!!!! So I told my mom that she can do the trim! So I did corners and the shelves! Here's just a few pictures of the fun we had!

 I wanted some pictures of me painting so Heather took a few. The one right before this that I deleted, Heather took a picture of my butt. Not funny! She also said something right before she took this picture. That should explain the face! Ha

 She told me to smile so this is what she got! Ha. See how much fun I'm having?

 Shawn took over doing the trim! I'd rather have him do it then me because if he messes up it's his house!

We ended up staying a day later then we planned so we could help with packing and getting thing's done for them to move. Dad stayed down there to help them get things packed and loaded into the moving truck! It was a good weekend and had fun visiting and being with my nieces and nephews!