Loneliness!

 I have never been one to have very many friends and the few that I have had have all gotten married or are getting married. I have one friend that isn't married but we don't live close enough that we get to see each other very often. I was looking through Facebook and saw a picture of a friend that is getting married in a few months and it made me start thinking about were life has taken me. It's not that I NEED to get married or NEED to be with someone but sometimes being alone gets to me and I get more depressed than I'd like to. Yes I have Kona but even having a dog doesn't cut the loneliness. I can talk to her but it's pretty much me just talking to myself. I think more than anything I just wish I had someone that I could talk to but not necessary have to hang out or go do anything. I like to be home, I don't really care to go out and do much but it gets really lonely not having someone that I can just talk to whenever. I know that people have lives and can't always talk or be there or whatever but it would be nice to find someone that wants to just talk. I've thought about trying to find a pen pal but everywhere I've looked it comes up as a dead end. I've done online dating site and those are mostly just a joke and creepy people. They all want something more. I just want to talk. I want to have good conversations and be able to open up to someone and not feel like they are going to use it for their benefit and take advantage of me somehow. I try to not get lonely or let being alone bother me but sometimes it just creeps up on me and I can't stop the feelings.
 Do you ever wonder what was it that brought you to where you are now? That if that one choice, one event or one mistake didn't happen or happened differently where you would be at in life? What was it that would of created a different out come and if it would be any better or worse? I do, I don't think about it often but have thought about it more than I probably should because I can't change the past, I can't fix what's already been done. I have to do my best with that life has given me and make the best of it. I can't say that I hate my life because I don't, I just wish that I wasn't alone all the time and that I had the strength to deal with things better and be the kind of person that someone wants to be with and fight for and love. Yes I want to be loved and I know that people love me but I don't feel like many care or maybe I should say, make the time to care. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I just don't want to deal with it anymore and even though I don't have thoughts of wishing I would die as often as I did before getting on antidepressants I still have to fight those thoughts every now and again and tonight is one of them because I am feeling so lonely and wishing that someone would take the time to reach out and care. So yes, that's what wanting someone to just talk to boils down to, someone taking the time to care.