Papers

Tuesday night I got online to go over and do the last things I had to do before sending in my papers. I completed what I needed to and submitted my papers to the bishop! Now it's just the waiting process. I have to meet with the bishop and then the stake president. It's so much more real now. I was kind of nervous because it's no longer in my hands. It's such an exciting experience but nerve racking at the same time. I know that if this is Heavenly Father's will for me He will help me get thru the nerves! I know that thru Him I can do anything. I'm hoping that it will be no later then the first of the year that I get my call. Waiting for that letter to come isn't going to be easy, I'm not patient when it comes to waiting for thing's but I'm going to have to. It will be worth the wait! :)

Mission Progress

After freaking out about how to pay for thing's and getting thing's done I decided, from the council of my mom, I went and talked to the Bishop and asked him if he would give me a blessing! It's so amazing how fast somethings come! I remember how stressed I felt before talking to him and even during and then after giving me the blessing and saying amen how much peace I felt. My problems weren't gone but I knew that thing's would work out and I would be able to pay for thing's I needed to. I was able to go get all my medical stuff done. It wasn't even as bad as I thought it would be! I was able to get new pictures and one that I could send in with my papers. I've filled out all the paper work that I have to so tomorrow I will go back to the clinic and get the results from my blood work and have them finish filling out my medical papers so they can send it and I will submit my paper work online! It's crazy how when thing's work out how fast they happen. I really wasn't expecting to be sending my papers in until closer to the end of December but it will all be done tomorrow so why wait. What an exciting and amazing thing to be doing. I love the church and can't wait to share the gospel. I'm so excited that I want it to be here so I can be out there teaching the gospel! It will come soon enough, right? I am so grateful that I am able to go serve a mission and pray that I will be a good missionary and touch many lives! :)

Trials

 Trials are apart of life, right? How do we get through them? What are we to learn from them? Why can't we see anything other then what we're going through? I've been asking myself these and many more questions lately. Up to this point I have felt like the decisions I've made have been what I thought was right but I'm wondering why I've done what I'v done. I know I shouldn't look back and ask why or I should of but it's kinda hard not to when I feel like everything is falling apart around me! I felt like making the decision to go back to school was to help me realize I need to go on a mission. Sense I decided to go on a mission it seems like everything keeps getting worse. I know I have a job and am making money but to save to go on a mission seems so impossible right now. I keep telling myself I need to put it in the Lords hands and let Him lead me. I have been trying to put my faith and trust in Heavenly Father because I don't know what else to do. I don't know what else to do. Because I went back to school I'm not working as much which seems to have been not a great idea because I'm not making much money to pay my bills and save for a mission. I have to go get a physical and some test done before I send in my papers. I can pay for it but it's coming out of my savings of what I have put towards my mission. If I take that out my mission savings will be little. That class that I dropped at school has kicked me in the butt. Because I dropped it after the deadline there is a possibility that I will have to pay that money back for that class. I wont find out probably til after this semester is over and because of that it puts me in more of a pickle. I keep praying that work will pick up and I'll be able to make enough to pay my bills and save for a mission. Oh and then there's I'm going to have to get some new clothes and if thing's don't pick up at work I don't know how that's going to happen. Everyone keeps telling me that because I've decided to go on a mission the Lord will provide and I understand that but when thing's continually go wrong and you can't see the light in the darkness it makes it that much harder to really put your faith and trust in the Lord. I believe that He's not going to lead me astray but I'm human it's a struggle I go though often. I keep telling myself these things, trying to stay positive and keep praying and hoping that they will be answered very soon. I know there are other's that are going through hard times to and I pray that thing's will look up for them too but for me this is what I'm living with and trying to be better and do my best through this. I am going to keep moving forward with going on a mission and doing all that I can do and leaving the rest up to Heavenly Father. I can't do this with out Him so I pray He will help me get through this.

Prayers Answered

It got to me! Too big of a load! Last Friday I woke up feeling sick. It wasn't flu sick it was from nerves and being so overwhelmed. In my Med Term class I was talking to one of the other students and I told her that I felt like I had to spend all my time focusing on my anatomy class and my other classes were on the back burner. I did the homework but that was it. I have been putting things off that needed to be done! I really wanted to drop my A&P class. The more I thought about it the better I was feeling! Because conference was coming up I decided that I was going to do what I have been told to do with conference. Listen to conference with the question in mind and praying to receive an answer. So that's what I did. I told Heavenly Father what I was thinking about, why I wanted to drop the class and what I would do with that extra time I would have. I asked to help me listen to conference that I might receive my answer. Saturday I was babysitting and didn't really know how much I was going to get out of it because how much attention Lincoln wants from me and also taking care of Harrison. I also asked Heavenly Father to help Lincoln to be good so I can watch conference. Heavenly Father answered both of my prayers that day! Lincoln was so good. He sat right next to me and read his own books! Not for the whole time but he wasn't whinny or needing my attention while I was watching conference. It was the Saturday afternoon session that I got my answer. It was Elder Ian S. Ardern's talk that hit me the most and answered my question I felt. He talked about managing out time and doing the better thing's. Because I'm not going to go into surgical tech or even the medical field for that matter I felt like taking A&P was not managing my time well or doing what matter's most. I really wish they had the talk up online so I could re-read it but they don't, I'll just have to wait. So this morning I went into the office at the school and talk to them to see what my options are. I was able to drop the class but I had to fill out some papers because the dropping the class and getting the grade you have in the class instead of failing the class had already come and gone. 1 of 3 thing's will happen. 1-they will approve me to have the grade I have in the class on my transcript and be able to get the refund (not that I have to have it but it would be helpful) 2-they wont approve it and I'll get a W on my transcript but not have to pay back the money for the class or 3- not get approved and have to pay back the money with a W on my transcript. Either way it goes I'm fine with because I don't have to go to A&P anymore! YAY! I wouldn't be put out if I had to pay it back because I would just use the money that I got from my grant. If I didn't have to pay but got a W I'm totally cool with that but if I was able to have my grade on it and get the money that would be the best. It would help me in so many different was and be a big blessing! However it turns out I'll be happy just cause I'm not taking that class any more!

Both sessions on Saturday were amazing and I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me thru the leaders of the church that what I'm doing by going to a mission is right and I am right where I need to be! This had been the first conference that I went into conference with wanting an answer and getting it and feeling like they were speaking just to me! I know not everything is going to be peachy and easy but I do know that as long as I am where I'm suppose to be and doing what I'm suppose to be doing Heavenly Father is going to bless me and help me get thru the hard times! With Heavenly Father all things are possible! Because I dropped my A&P class I'll have so much more time to do better thing's with my time! I plan on going to the temple hopefully twice a month, Studying the scriptures, reading good books that I've gotten and preparing for a mission. I want to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do and be the best at it!

Finding time

Sense I started school I'm having a hard time finding time to do something other then work, babysitting or school! I have put so many things off that need to be done all because I feel like I have to devote my time to doing homework or studying! I often ask myself how people do it and more! I don't have a husband or kids that take up my time also but for me it's still a lot. I think I feel this way because I have hard classes, they aren't the HARDEST classes ever but for me their hard cause it's all new to me! I wish I could figure out how to manage my time better and get the thing's I NEED to get done, done! I try to look at school as a learning and growing experience I can't wait till I'm done! I don't think school is really for me! I wouldn't mind taking a class here and there in something I like or want to learn more about but I don't want to get a degree! I like doing hair and I'm good at it and know it! For now I need to figure out how to make what time I have work with everything I need to do and for me that's hard cause I am a procrastinator and an even bigger one now from being in school! One day it will all be worth it!!!!!!!!!

Why do we make thing's harder then we should?

I'm half way thru my 2nd week of school and I am starting to feel very overwhelmed! Last night was a really hard night! Not understanding anything in my Human A&P class I found out that I had 3 homework assignments and 2 quizzes to do before 10:30 last night! I had 4 hours to do them all! I did the quizzes first and didn't do so well I'm sure and the homework wasn't any better! I have never done well with understanding from just reading and not having anything explained to where I can understand! There is a lot of reading and the first couple of chapters are thing's I don't understand and have never really understood! So I'm sure that taking tests are going to be harder! Last night and this morning I was ready to drop the class! After class I felt like I needed to give it more time! Although I have met someone in class that said she would help me if I needed it and I will probably take her up on that, it still is very overwhelming. I try to keep telling myself that all I can do is my best and if I fail then at lest I did my best and tried to figure it out! I'm really liking my math class (who would of known) weird cause I've NEVER liked math at all! I'm sure once we get farther into it it's going to get more challenging but I have someone to help me and I have a really good teacher! I don't so much about my medical terminology class cause I've only gone once. It's more memorizing and learning to say the medical terms right! That's where I have a hard time cause I've never been good at pronunciation but it goes back to I have to try and do my best cause that's all I can do!
 Today in Human A&P lab we dissected a rat today. That was kinda gross which make me think what am I doing going into a field that I have to be in surgery! I gagged a couple of times. The smell was horrible so I was trying to just breath thru my mouth but that didn't work the whole time! Although it was interesting to see the insides it was hard to touch it and not smell it! While I was holding it while the other girl was cutting I think I broke it's leg (not that it really matter cause it's dead but I thought I'd throw it in), one of the girls heard it and freaked out from the sound. I kinda laughed that I did it. I really wish that I would learn to stop freaking out and just know that all I can do is my best so I can go full force at things and not worry about a week, month, 6 months or even a year from now! I need to work on the here and now!

Tomorrow's the day!!!

I am starting on a new chapter in my life, going back to school. Thursday I was feeling very uneasy and scared most of the day. I knew it had to do with school starting just around the corner because I couldn't stop thinking about it! I have no clue what I am doing or how thing's will go but I do know, and I have to keep reminding myself of this, that it's what I'm suppose to be doing! Other then having my books, paper and a pen I don't know what I need. It's amazing how Heavenly Father works! Thursday night when I knelt down to say my prayers I asked for peace and comfort and if this is what I'm suppose to be doing to calm my nerves and help me through this, cause I know that I can't do this on my own! I have stopped freaking out about it and having those feelings! I still am nervous but I don't have that uneasy feeling any more! Friday morning I went and found all of my classes and I think that helped with the uneasy feeling! With hard work and the help of Heavenly Father I can do this and become better!

School!

I'm starting to get really nervous because school is right around the corner, meaning 3 weeks! Sometimes I think, "What did I get myself into?" But I have to stop and tell myself that it's going to be good for me and I feel like it's the direction where I'm suppose to go! I still have to get my books and pay my tuition! I really hope that I don't get so nervous that I make myself sick and stop eating! I pray that Heavenly Father will help me have confidence in myself that I can do this and whatever else comes my way!
 Because I'm starting school I made the decision to leave the family ward and start going to the singles ward! It was really hard telling the Young Women that I was leaving! We have had such a good time and made so many good memories! But I feel like this is what I need to do so I'm not so stressed out with school, work, babysitting and 2 callings in church at 2 different wards! Thank goodness for facebook that I can keep up with most of the girls and what's going on! I was told that when they have some fun activity that they think I might like they'll invite me! I hope that I'll enjoy going to the singles ward and make some new friends!

New Blog

Today I went to sign into my blog and it said that the address for this blog has been deleted! I don't know what I did or what happened but it's gone so I had to create a new one! So here it is! Hopefully nothing happens to this one! What a pain!