Musical Production

So last Saturday I went and auditioned for a musical production called "Through Emma's Eyes" I was so nervous even though the director is a friend and I've been singing in her choir for the past 3 years. I think that it's something about the word audition that gets me nervous! So I had a friend come with me to play the piano. I had to sing 2 songs one was Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and the other one I was able to choose but it had to be a showtime song. So I decided to sing The Phantom of the Opera from The Phantom of the Opera. I only had to sing 16 measures which wasn't bad. I felt like I did good but I could hear the shaking in my voice. Hopefully they didn't! So they told me that I did good and that the cast list would be up Wednesday afternoon. Sunday I got an e-mail that said that they are doing call-backs and to look for an e-mail the next day. Well I never got one so hoped that that was a good sign. Tuesday night i was talking on the phone with a friend and got an e-mail about the cast. She got it up early and so I went to the page to see if I made it and sure enough there was my name! YAY!!!!! Oh my gosh was I so excited! So I'm playing a girl named Margaret Cook. Not sure who she is tho! I'll find out. Our first rehearsal is the 29th and I'll get my script and music! Dang who would of ever thought that I would be in a musical! I hope I do good and don't freak out on stage. At lest I don't have a main part. I'm so ok with that! This is going to be so cool and so much fun!

Trying to Get Through

I've been telling myself and everyone around me that I'm doing good and I know that thing's will work out some how but today has not been on of those days that I believe that. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or tell me that things are going to be ok. I know in the end thing's will be ok but when I feel like everything around me is caving in, I'm not good enough, and I've become a failure it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe part of it is that I'm feeling sorry for myself and I know that I need to get out of that cause it doesn't do me any good. When thing's around you never go right and it's hard to see anything good what do you do?! I know I need to be better at somethings but if this is what i have to deal with I wish that I never came home from my mission. It's become such a hard thing and no one understands what I'm feeling and going through. I don't even know how to explain how I truly feel so what would be the point of trying to talk about it. I guess this is just my way to vent a little and hope that by doing so I''ll feel better and can move on and hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
 I have been dealing with some emotional problems and am feeling like I'm becoming bitter about thing's and towards some people. How do I stop that? Here's the problem, I think it might help to talk to someone but I can't bring myself to talking to someone that could possible help or know how I feel because I don't want to be a bother or burden anyone with my problems. So I've just keep most of it to myself and try to figure it out on my own. I pray and ask for guidance and direction but feel like I'm not getting anything. I don't like not knowing what to do or that nothing seems to be working out in my favor. I still tell myself that everything is going to be ok but I'm having a hard time believing it right now.
 Tomorrow will be another day and I hope that it will be a better one then today!