The struggle I'm Fighting

I know that there is always someone out there that has it worse and that I should be grateful for all that I have, and I am but that doesn't make what I'm going through any less to me. Each day is a different level of the struggle. I have good days and bad days, some days I just wish that I could skip the day and go to the next. Not very many people know the struggle I fight with everyday and there's only one person that knows everything. The biggest reason why not very many know is because I'm ashamed of it and the other is that I don't know how people will react and how they will see me. I don't want to be judged and I don't want them to hold it against me or use it against me. Sad to say there have been a few that I've told and they have used it against me. Some thing's that I've worried about have happened and I get kinda frustrated about it. Even thought I still get frustrated with it I know that there's not much that I can do about how other react or treat me. It's sad and hard sometimes to stay strong. All I want is someone that will love me for me and look past the mistakes I've made. I don't need someone to tell me what I need to do, what I need to change or how I need to fix thing's. I already know the thing's I need to do, change and fix and am working on it. I wish that I was able to explain how I feel better then I do. I want people to understand but I know that I can't make anyone understand or except me as I am.
 If you knew me 10+ years ago you would know and see the changes I've made. It's not easy to change when you have been a certain way all you life. I feel like until you have decided that there are thing's you need to change you can't understand how hard it is. When you come to that choice then you start to see thing's differently and thing's, some how, start to get you down once in awhile. No one is perfect, I know I'm far from it, and that's why we have trials, right? I am not only struggling with the fact that I'm trying to change thing's in my life but I'm also dealing with a choice that I made that wasn't something I thought I'd ever do. This has really turned my world upside down and if you knew me before 2 years ago you'd understand why it has. Because of this choice it has brought on even more struggles and heart ache. I have so far to go and I have a tendency to beat up on myself. One of my struggles is trying not tot hate myself. That is one battle I'm may struggle with for years to come. I just want a guy to love me flaws and all and not use what I've done against me but to look past it and be a support and encourage me to keep going. Is that really to much to ask? One day I hope to be able to feel at peace and feel God's love for me again.