Trials

 Trials are apart of life, right? How do we get through them? What are we to learn from them? Why can't we see anything other then what we're going through? I've been asking myself these and many more questions lately. Up to this point I have felt like the decisions I've made have been what I thought was right but I'm wondering why I've done what I'v done. I know I shouldn't look back and ask why or I should of but it's kinda hard not to when I feel like everything is falling apart around me! I felt like making the decision to go back to school was to help me realize I need to go on a mission. Sense I decided to go on a mission it seems like everything keeps getting worse. I know I have a job and am making money but to save to go on a mission seems so impossible right now. I keep telling myself I need to put it in the Lords hands and let Him lead me. I have been trying to put my faith and trust in Heavenly Father because I don't know what else to do. I don't know what else to do. Because I went back to school I'm not working as much which seems to have been not a great idea because I'm not making much money to pay my bills and save for a mission. I have to go get a physical and some test done before I send in my papers. I can pay for it but it's coming out of my savings of what I have put towards my mission. If I take that out my mission savings will be little. That class that I dropped at school has kicked me in the butt. Because I dropped it after the deadline there is a possibility that I will have to pay that money back for that class. I wont find out probably til after this semester is over and because of that it puts me in more of a pickle. I keep praying that work will pick up and I'll be able to make enough to pay my bills and save for a mission. Oh and then there's I'm going to have to get some new clothes and if thing's don't pick up at work I don't know how that's going to happen. Everyone keeps telling me that because I've decided to go on a mission the Lord will provide and I understand that but when thing's continually go wrong and you can't see the light in the darkness it makes it that much harder to really put your faith and trust in the Lord. I believe that He's not going to lead me astray but I'm human it's a struggle I go though often. I keep telling myself these things, trying to stay positive and keep praying and hoping that they will be answered very soon. I know there are other's that are going through hard times to and I pray that thing's will look up for them too but for me this is what I'm living with and trying to be better and do my best through this. I am going to keep moving forward with going on a mission and doing all that I can do and leaving the rest up to Heavenly Father. I can't do this with out Him so I pray He will help me get through this.